5th December, 2008

I have been in a really tense mood for about a week now, and this morning I woke up with a pounding tension headache to prove it. I feel like I either need to get really, really drunk, or go to the gym for a really good workout.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling so tense and scattered – possibly because I still don't have a date for moving to Lalibela and it's getting very near Christmas: this means flights are getting busy, and if there are any free seats, they're really expensive. Plus U is coming to stay with me in Lalibela and we have a whole Christmas planned (I have crackers, a Christmas tree and everything!) which will be no good if I'm still in Addis! Oh yes, and I'm a bit of a control freak and I don't like it when I don't know exactly what's happening when.

A more serious reason for my mood may be because I have been transcribing the stories of the children from the orphanage, and quite frankly they're enough to make you lose faith in all human beings, let alone 'get a little tense'. Some people might read the stories and feel real sorrow from the children and the things they've been through, or pride that they have managed to get through all life has thrown at them, and I do feel that too. However, I'm afraid the overwhelming emotion for me is anger at the ignorance shown, and how people – particularly those who are supposed to love and care for them – treat them.

These children are bereaved (often by HIV or Aids) and then looked after by other family members, sometimes a surviving parent and a step-parent, or a cousin, or a sibling. Some of these children are raped, abused and beaten by those family members, others are thrown out when children from the new marriage appear and take precedence. Some are taken to a city (usually Addis) by 'friends of the family' who then put them to work in someone else's house as a servant, while pocketing all their earnings.

Having a maid is a normal thing in Ethiopia – it's not just for the rich or middle classes. It's a way of creating jobs, after all. But who employs an 8 year old to look after their baby and cook for them, as one girl's story tells? I am not immune, the family I live with had a maid, and she worked long hours – but she is a grown woman. An 8 year old?

And then there are the stories where people get sick and so go to a 'cultural' healer. They tell them the sickness is not medical, you don't need drugs, it's because of some 'spiritual matter' and you must go home to your family (leaving your children in Addis) and pray a lot. Shockingly, this doesn't work and the person dies, leaving their children to the mercy the streets or people wanting to take advantage of them.

Now, I know I sound disrespectful, and my rational brain says think about all these situations properly instead of having some knee-jerk reaction (a-la readers of a much mocked daily newspaper in the UK …). People are trying to survive in difficult circumstances and they do what they have to do, while if someone gets ill and you don't have the knowledge to understand it, you are going to try and explain it within the context of your life and beliefs. It doesn't just happen in developing countries, either, it happens all the time in our own lives.

It still makes me mad though. It makes me want to shake people and tell them to wake up, open their eyes and act!

And now I'm off to the pub or the gym. I haven't decided which, yet.